Well Ain't THAT The Shit

Admit it. You laughed when you read this story. You didn't want to, but you did.

--Police say Joe Jackson was turned away at least once Friday as he tried to get to the high-rise office of a patent lawyer he had a grudge against. He didn't have an appointment.

When he came back that day, Jackson had attorney Michael R. McKenna's business card in his pocket and a manila envelope in his hand. He got close enough to a security guard to jam a revolver hidden in the envelope into his side.

That's how Jackson, also armed with a knife and a hammer, made it to the 38th floor of the Citigroup Center. He chained and locked a law-firm door before going on a 45-minute rampage, killing three people, including McKenna, and wounding a fourth.

His bullets sprayed the offices with blood and broken glass. One victim was left dead in a hallway, Cline said. And as he terrorized office workers he made sure they heard his complaint: He claimed he had been cheated over an invention, a toilet designed for a truck.--

When you first heard there was a shooting at a law firm specializing in patents, you figured it was some kind of dispute over an invention, right? Maybe something to do with computers, or big-screen TVs, or something else high-tech?

Then you found out it was about toilets, and you tried really hard not to laugh, but you power-sprayed your Diet Coke all over your monitor anyway. Tell the truth, now. You did, didn't you?

It's kinda funny that his name was Joe Jackson, too. "If you build it, they will come." Conjures up a picture of some truck driver beating off while he sits on his fancy on-board toilet.

(Not that I would ever beat off while I was doing my moose business. No siree. That's just plain gross. Although ya gotta admit, spanking the monkey and taking a rich and satisfying poop are pretty much two of the best sensations out there. Just not at the same time. Ewwwwwwwwww...)

And on that note, I'm going to lay my tired antlers down to sleep, so I can face a new week with a gleam in my eye and starch in my Wonder Wiener.