This story tells us that, though Charles Darwin may be dead, his theories are alive and well. A whole bunch of people have died of carbon monoxide poisoning in Washington state because, in the absence of electrical service, they thought it sounded like a good idea to bring portable generators or charcoal grills into their dwellings.
You really batted one out of the park with that one, Uncle Chuck. Thank you for chlorinating the gene pool in the Seattle area.
Then we have this tidbit of news: Robert Mugabe, president of the lovely African nation of Zimbabwe, is, like, totally sorry about that little misunderstanding with the White farmers, where almost all of them were driven off their land or killed when they refused to leave.
So he wants Whitey to come back and work the land again, because the new tenant farmers don't seem to be doing an awfully good job of it, and crop yields are in the shitter.
Let us hope the displaced White farmers teach Mr. Mugabe the meaning of the phrase, "Go fuck yourself, asshole."
Here's a blurb about an airline in China that was fined by the government for selling plane tickets to certain destinations for as little as thirteen cents.
Damn. I'd heard stuff was cheap in China, but half a dozen flights for the price of a condom from a men's room vending machine? That's insane! (Not that I've ever bought a condom in a men's room, mind you. I'm just going by what I've heard.)
Then again, I think I'd rather be using a condom than sitting on an airplane full of little Chinese people, who all seem to think it's okay to fart in public and blow your nose on your hand and wipe it on your Mao suit.
This story is about the behavior of a fine upstanding young man during his sentencing for murdering a debutante when she refused to give him her purse during a robbery.
Michael Thorpe killed Jennifer Ross on Christmas Eve last year, in a park in the lovely town of Savannah, Georgia. When the judge sentenced him to life plus forty years, Thorpe shouted "Fuck democracy!" and flipped the judge the bird.
Yeah, because it's democracy that made you kill a Georgia peach on the night before Christmas, you ambulatory pile of dung.
If I were that judge, I'd have instructed those deputies to break that fucker's finger clean off as they escorted Mr. Thorpe from the courtroom.
In the "children are the future, and we're fucking them up" category is this sad tale. Some broad in Massachusetts (where else but the state where a school outlawed playing tag at recess?) only managed to produce one smart child, and her other two kids are not so smart. So she has demanded that the high school in Needham stop publishing the names of the kids who make the honor roll in the local paper.
It causes her two dull-witted offspring "stress" and "emotional pain" to see their more intelligent sibling's name in print every semester, you see. So rather than take that as a challenge to improve their own grades so they too can make the honor roll, these two future fry-cooks get mopey and depressed.
And it's Mommy to the rescue, saving them from confronting the realities of their inadequacies. These are the kind of kids that will still be living at home when they're forty, beating off to gopher porn every night while the world passes them by.
And finally, in the Dude Looks Like A Lady realm, we have this indian runner. (Dot-head indian, not woo-woo indian.)
Yup, it's just what it sounds like. She's a he.
The article doesn't say who asked for the gender testing, or why. Let's hope it didn't have anything to do with a sausage falling out of "her" running shorts at an inopportune moment.
Maybe it was something much more obvious. Ya know, a picture paints a thousand words and all that.
Juwanna? Juwanna Mann, is that you?!?!
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