The Osamabama Supporter Ruthless Mockery Generator

The purpose of this mockery generator is to streamline the process of Obama supporters creating missives that can be ridiculed by those that see the truth about him and his family. Please select the option that most closely reflects your opinions or paranoid delusions, whichever comes first.


I support Obama because

A) he is going to change America. Not really sure how, but by god he's gonna change it.
B) it's time we had a black President.
C) he's a new voice in an old game.
D) I am experiencing cheese-like discharge from my private parts.


When I hear Obama talk, I am reminded of

A) John F. Kennedy.
B) Mahatma Ghandi.
C) Larry Flynt.
D) my neighbor who never picks up the dog poop in his yard.


If I could meet Mr. Obama, I would want to tell him

A) "YES WE CAN!"
B) "America will be better when you are President."
C) "Them's some big ol' ears you got, man."
D) "Dude, your fly is unzipped."


Obama wants everyone to have access to medical care. I appreciate this because

A) health care is a right, not a privilege.
B) doctors make too much money, and socialized medicine will fix that.
C) my doctor stole my wife, my dog, and my pickup truck.
D) that cheese-like discharge is really hindering my social life.


Obama supports affirmative action. I do as well, because

A) we need to right past wrongs.
B) all affirmative action does is level the playing field.
C) I am a minority and as such, deserve to be hired over more qualified applicants.
D) I suffer from Itchy Butt Syndrome, and I am tired of being discriminated against.


Obama is right about guns, since

A) the Second Amendment is a collective right, no matter what the Supreme Court said.
B) gun ownership in urban areas is just a recipe for disaster.
C) local restrictions on Constitutional rights only make sense.
D) the size of his "gun" takes after his mother's side of the family.


I understand why Obama wants to raise taxes.

A) The rich aren't paying their fair share.
B) The beleaguered middle class needs help.
C) I believe smart life choices and the success that results should be severely punished.
D) I can't afford a jet-ski.


Obama's wife Michelle is very misunderstood.

A) She really does love this country, no matter what she says.
B) Comments made in the heat of the moment should not be held against a candidate's wife.
C) She is a victim of Foot In Mouth disease, which is worse than leprosy, psoriasis, and an infected anal fissure combined.
D) Not every candidate can have a hot blonde wife who owns a beer distributorship.


Obama was right to denounce the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, because

A) his views do not reflect Obama's.
B) there is no place for racism in our modern world.
C) it's intelligent campaign strategy to throw lunatics under the bus.
D) you really can know someone for a few decades and not realize that they are a bigoted jackass.


I totally get why Obama won't authorize the state of Hawaii to release his original birth certificate.

A) It is no one's business but his.
B) He is obviously eligible to run for President, because the democrats nominated him.
C) He has no clue whether he was actually born here or not.
D) His father's occupation was listed as "circus clown and juggler."


I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Obama's association with Tony Rezko. After all,

A) they didn't really know each other well.
B) no politician can be expected to know about everyone who contributes to his campaign.
C) everyone has known gangsters under indictment in their closet.
D) it's not like he and Barack were caught rubbing raw chicken livers on each other's dupas or something.


Do you want to know the real reason Obama backed away from public campaign financing and decided to go private?

A) He wanted the little guy to have a chance to contribute and have a voice.
B) He wisely realized that everything about the public finance scheme for the Presidency is corrupt, and wanted no part of it.
C) He was pretty sure he could raise more money that way.
D) He really didn't want anyone finding out how much dough he was spending on hookers and booze.


It's good that Obama reneged on his promise to debate McCain in a series of town hall meetings. I mean,

A) Obama is saving it all up for the debates.
B) the crowd probably would have been stacked with pro-McCain people.
C) Barry can't put together a cogent sentence without cue cards or a teleprompter.
D) McCain would have handed him his ass.


If you don't vote for Obama,

A) it's because he's black, making you a racist.
B) it's because he's young, making you an ageist.
C) you see the folly in voting for the most grossly under-qualified Presidential candidate ever.
D) I will smear my cheese-like discharge on your windows after I TP your house.


Tread lightly, for you have been warned.

Sincerely,

A Dedicated Obama Kool-Aid Drinker
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Hell Of A Way To Say Thanks...

So, I know this guy. (No, this isn't THAT kind of an "I know this guy" story, so get your filthy minds out of the gay gutter.) Anyway, this guy's name is... Oh, let's call him Melvin.

Melvin works for a company we'll call Assclown Inc. The primary business of Assclown Inc. is to run call centers to administer government contracts for "help and information" lines. Since nobody, ever, in the history of the world woke up one morning and said, "I want to work at a call center!", it won't surprise you that Assclown Inc. attracts the dregs of the employment pool.

But Melvin is different. He's a dude that's grossly over-qualified for his job, who is just doing it to get by while he supports someone else's dream. That alone makes him a hell of a guy. But he's also hard-working, highly intelligent, articulate, healthy, and has good personal hygiene. That makes him a one-percenter at Assclown Inc.

So you would think they would be over the moon to have this guy, right? And they'd really make him feel valued?

Dream on. What they actually did was move him to a crappy schedule for less money.

Why would they do that, you ask? Because Melvin supposedly has all these "competencies" that they really value. And in their tiny feeble minds, the best way to indicate that is by fucking the poor bastard up the ass with a saguaro wrapped in barbed wire.

Thanks, Assclown Inc.!

Melvin appears inclined to stand his ground, which is good. But there's a larger point to be made here. Your tax dollars at work, running off the skilled and qualified? That wouldn't fly in the private sector, and it shouldn't fly in the government sector.

Melvin will be fine. He's got big plans. I just think anyone with two brain cells to rub together should wonder why Assclown Inc. has nothing better to do than screw with a guy like Melvin.
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