Feminists, Homos, And Fabulous Leather Products

On several unrelated subjects:

Feminists are weird people. I mean it. They don't groove on the same plane that a normal moose like me does.

Don't get me wrong. Feminists have their purpose. For example, how could we possibly appreciate females who don't want to cut our sausages off, if we didn't have the psycho dykes who do?

But, ya know, some of the shit they say is freaky. It's like they wake up every morning, shout "Men are the enemy!", and go on about their day.

The thing that kind of set me off on the femifreaks was reading about how lots of them support Hillary in her run for the Presidency. This puzzles me because I think Hillary has them all fooled. I'm pretty sure she's a man.

And she's not even one of those sensitive, limp-wristed men either. She's the kind of man who would rip another man's balls off and stuff them down his throat if he looked at her wrong.

So this moose is confused. Since Hillary embodies everything that's supposed to be wrong with men, and given that she most likely has a penis bigger than the late John Holmes, what exactly do the feminists see in her? If they want a woman with a penis, they can bring Al Gore back for another run at the Oval Office.

Speaking of sexual freaks, did you know soy makes you gay? Yup, it's true. They did a study. (Who the fuck thinks up these studies anyway? "Hey Marv, let's do a study to see if too much broccoli makes you hate the Pittsburgh Steelers.")

So yeah, too much tofu and soy milk in your youth can turn you into a boy pole-smoker or a girl rug-muncher. On some strange level, that makes sense. Because only weird people feed their kids soy milk and tofu.

One more small item. (Everyone who mumbled "Your penis?" is going to be struck down by the mighty sword of Moose-Thor.) No, something even more important than the whale in my pants. The Supreme Court is going to hear a price-fixing case.

For the Supremes to take it on, it must be important, right? Gasoline, perhaps, or building materials, or the wholesale price of soybeans that make you gay?

Nah. Don't be silly. It's some high-end leather goods outfit. (No, not THAT kind of leather goods, you perverts.) Leather... Hell, I don't know. Clothes and purses and stuff, I guess.

Manufacturer won't sell to distributors that retail the "fine leather goods" at a discount. One distributor held a sale, got no more deliveries of goods, and sued. To which I say:

Ohferfuck'ssake! Who gives a shit?!?!?! It's a god damned handbag. Let the free market reign. Seriously. The world will not come to an end if the government stays out of the leather apparel pissing contest.

And SHIT! Does the Supreme Court really have nothing better to do than deciding cases like this?