Rabbi Grinchman Finds A Heart

There was quite the blow-up at the Seattle airport over the weekend. Late last week, a rabbi told the Port of Seattle (that's who runs the airport) that if they didn't put a menorah up alongside all those Christmas trees, and have a lighting ceremony, he was going to sue. (Now THAT is showing your holiday spirit, dude!!! {end sarcasm})

Port of Seattle personnel responded by taking down all the Christmas trees Friday night. They said they simply didn't have time, in this, their busiest season, to deal with lawsuits and "cultural sensitivity." So they decided to just quietly take the trees down while the airport was (supposed to be) mostly empty, and revisit the issue after the New Year.

Unfortunately for the PoS and Rabbi Grinchman, a few outraged third shift employees alerted the media. The whole stealing of Christmas was caught on tape. (You know, I hate ideologue hebrews like the rabbi and his legal eagle. I much prefer the jews who would put apricot preserves in their belly button and let someone lick it out if it would earn them a few bucks.)

Ahem. Back on track. Now, I have to admit my bias here. I am a Christmas moose. Christmas is my favorite time of year. I wouldn't care if all I had to celebrate with was a can of Vienna sausages and a fifth of Jack Daniels, as long as my big-titted secretary and the rest of the creatures I love were there with me to share the joy of the season.

So people like Rabbi Grinchman and his lawyer and all their dick-sucking lackeys piss me off. They decry the hate mail the rabbi received, and pop off with gems such as:

"In fact, our Constitution says: what one religion gets, another should get as well. What about that is so hard to understand?"

No, no it doesn't say that. It says:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Putting it simply for the idiots in the cheap seats, that means the government can't tell folks what religion to follow, or that they can't practice a particular faith. Neither of those adds up to requiring public places to give equal billing to all religions.

Fuck, I'm just a moose, and even *I* understand that.

Or this bit of moronification:

"Every single person who says that it's ok to put up only Christmas trees in a public, and most of all publically owned and financed, space, is basically saying that Christianity should be allowed to have preferential treatment under the law. There is simply no escaping this implication, no matter how much nonsense is spouted about how they're pagan symbols and how Christmas is basically a secular holiday."

Frankly, I don't see why Christmas SHOULDN'T receive preferential treatment in public holiday displays. 80% of the population self-identifies as Christian, 96% of the population celebrates Christmas, and Christmas is the only federally recognized holiday in the month of December. It's not like I'm deprived of receiving my deluge of fan mail for a whole day because the mailman gets Kwaanza off. Oh, and let us not forget that there are those in the remaining 4% that don't celebrate Christmas who put up a tree anyway.

Bottom line is, Christmas is the shit, and Christmas trees are a symbol of Christmas.

(Whew. All those statistics make my boner wilt. There's only one statistic that matters... The size of my penis. But you knew that.)

Anyway, all Constitutional bickering aside, it looked like Christmas was cancelled at SeaTac, until a beacon of hope shown throught... The rabbi withdrew his threat of a lawsuit. And late last night, the trees were put back up.

Rabbi Grinchman and his lawyer considered the decision to not sue to be a defeat. But I don't see it that way. I see all the thousands and thousands of people who will pass through SeaTac in the next few weeks, their weary faces made bright and happy by the pretty trees with their beautiful lights. And that makes me glad that Rabbi Grinchman found his heart.

Merry Christmas, Seattle.