The Tards Went Over The Mountain

The tards went over the mountain,
The tards went over the mountain,
The tards went over the mou-oun-tain,
To see what they could see.

But all that they could see,

Was the other side of the mountain,
The other side of the mountain,
The other side of the mou-oun-tain,
Was all that they could see.

Yeah, I'll admit it. I don't really "get" mountain-climbing. I mean, climbing a hill to find food, or water, or something else you might need? Sure. But going up a mountain, "just because it's there"?

Okay, sorry, but that's dumb.

And it gets even dumber when the stupid fucks get stuck, and it costs a gazillion dollars to rescue them.

Thus my moose-ire with Kelly James, Brian Hall, and Jerry "Nikko" Cooke, the popsicles on Mount Hood. (Am I the only one that finds the phrase "Mount Hood" vaguely erotic? It reminds me of that moose in europe who molested a car.)

They've been looking for these dudes for several days, and tonight, the word is, they found a frozen individual on the mountain that is "probably" one of the missing climbers. WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hundreds of thousands of dollars spent, to find the human equivalent of an Otter Pop.

Why do we do this? Send in the National Guard, and send the Black Hawks and C-130s to the skies, to look for dumbasses who decided to climb a mountain when they knew a storm was coming? Don't these people engaged in a futile search have anything better to do?

The families of these lusty outdoorsman have my sympathy. But they really should have learned to accept by now that bad things sometimes happen to those who attempt spectacular ascents in the face of bad weather.

Frankly, I'd rather be masturbating. I bet those three mountaineers pretty much agree with me about now.