Baseball Suffers 'Roid Rage

They pissed in a cup. Now, the government wants their pee. KINKY!

Yeah, I know, the Boys of Summer never meant to give the Feds a golden shower. But the world is full of brain-damaged people with too much time on their hands.

--With Barry Bonds still in their sights, federal investigators probing steroids in sports can now use the names and urine samples of about 100 Major League Baseball players who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, following a ruling Wednesday from a federal appeals court.--

(Ha ha ha. They said probing.)

So we's a-gonna solve the baseball steroid thing after long last, huh? All I can say is...

WHO GIVES A FUCK?!?!?!

You have to be blind or retarded to not realize that the sport of baseball has changed due to modern pharmaceuticals. We GET it. It's been a once-great sport turning into shit for years. This stuff is just the most recent example.

I'm not real sure why anyone cares. The baseball fans are getting what they want, a more exciting game. The owners are getting what they want, more revenue. The players are getting what they want, more attention.

Who is losing out here?

Maybe the old-school fans, and the great players from the past. I understand that. If I could go back in time, I'd wanna be Babe Ruth. Food, booze, pussy. Repeat as necessary. And still he was a great baseball player.

But that time is gone. Now we have the Age Of Enhancement. A bunch of dudes who don't play because they love the game, but because they want the fancy life that goes with it. Dudes who will use any amount - even unsafe - of any shit that they're told will make them play better.

I don't care much about baseball to begin with. But I do care about stupidity. What the fuck is the point of all the investigations? At the end of the day, it just doesn't matter.

So go ahead, federal investigators. Pore over those test results. Hit Barry Bondage up with perjury charges. Change the whole juiced-up, corrupt system. Because...

Well FUCK. You're used to worthless causes, and it's not like you have anything better to do.