El Presidente

So the other day, I was talking a little bit about Barack Obama. That kind of got me to thinking.

Why the hell does anyone want to be President, anyway?

I guess I understand liking the power. Deciding the course of world affairs. Wielding the Veto Pen Of Death. Being able to grant pardons to ANYBODY. Tooling around in Air Force One. Having your itchy little finger on that button that lobs the nukes at North Korea, and makes the Jong Dong shut the fuck up once and for all.

But frankly, I'd rather be making the Moose Dong spit.

Think about it. No matter how good a job you do as President, a whole bunch of people are still going to piss and moan about what a shitty job you're doing. You and your family have no privacy whatsoever. You will age five years for each year in office. You'll have to kiss countless smelly babies on the campaign trail. Hundreds of crazy people will fantasize about killing you, and a few might actually try it.

Not seeing the upside here.

I look at guys like McCain and Guliani, and I think, Haven't you done enough? Your public service has been commendable. Now go kick back, relax, and lick brandy off the nipples of busty hookers or something.

It's what I would do.