Old MacDonald Had A Farm Subsidy

I like the idea of farmers. Men of the land, tilling the soil, making the cucumbers grow so the ladies can masturbate with them. Er, I mean, making the corn grow so the supply of Jack Daniels doesn't dry up. Um, no wait, I mean making the strawberries grow so I can seduce more women.

Oh, piss on it. You get my point: Farmer Fred, and maybe a few other folks, managing a family-owned enterprise, producing fresh fruits and vegetables for us all to eat is a nostalgic visual, but one that's still alive and well all across the country.

And then you have the mass-production "corporate" farms. The corn isn't meant to be eaten off the cob with a slathering of butter and some salt. It gets made into sweetener, and thickener, and ethanol, and other stuff that doesn't resemble corn at all.

Fine. Cool. Great. The food processing industry and others need all that stuff. I'm a capitalist, and I approve of agricultural conglomerates turning the humble corn kernels into Tootsie Pops and racing fuel.

What I don't get, though, is why farming has to be subsidized. I mean farming in general, but in specific, I mean those enormous corporate mega-farms. I mean, c'mon. They have share-holders and insurance and lots of capital. All that stuff that means even if you have a bad tear, you won't be wiped out.

I don't have any heartburn with helping Farmer Fred if his growing season goes caddywhumpus. Shit happens, and a man who grows the bell peppers that make kung pao chicken possible shouldn't end up bankrupt and homeless if the pepper blight strikes.

So, we help him out. Because farmers, like cowboys and entrepeneurs, are part of the social fabric of our great nation. They make the world go 'round. We need them, we love them, and we don't WANT all our veggies to be the tasteless boring shit that comes from those modern, mechanized, efficient "factory" farms.

But mega-grower Acme Agriculture Co. doesn't need our help. All that farm subsidies do for them is pad their bottom line. If you can't do that kind of farming as a capitalist venture, find another line of work.

Not to mention, even if an enterprise like Acme does crash and burn, and go out of business, the world won't be a worse place.

So fuck 'em all. No more corporate welfare for gigantic agriculture operations.