Love, Marriage, And My Boner

Did you know women aren't getting married as much as they used to? That now, more than half of the marriage-aged women aren't married? It's true. Read all about it here.

--For the first time, a majority of American women are living without a spouse, media reported.

The New York Times, which based its report on an analysis of census results, said 51 percent of women in 2005 reported living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.--

As a moose, I can't get married. But let me let you in on a little secret. If I was a human American male, I wouldn't have a huge boner to get married anyway.

No, no, it is not the ladies and some desire for "freedom" or whatever the confused bull-dyke feminists call it these days that is driving the decline in the marriage rate. It's the men, saying, "What the fuck is in it for me?"

You know that saying about why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free? Turns out there's some truth in that. Women (and men) have degraded themselves, and degraded the ultimate act of love, by casually, thoughtlessly fucking anything that shows an interest. Now, you don't even have to live with the bitch, or take her out on dates. You show up, y'all get naked, and bodily fluids rush forth like Niagara Falls.

Which leads to another problem. If a man DOES decide he wants to settle down, he's not going to do it with a football that's been kicked through the goal posts so many times that it can't even hold air anymore. He'll lean towards a less used model.

Double standard? Not necessarily. Those dudes who've boned a thousand women very rarely settle down. It's the "boned a half-dozen, so if you've had more than that, don't bother to apply" guys who are running the mating and marrying show. They aren't holding out for virgins. Just for gently used footballs.

Even those guys sometimes hesitate to marry, though. They figure, why not just live together? That way, she doesn't get half my shit if she decides to leave me for the personal trainer with the abs of steel.

It's kind of hard to argue with that logic. I'd be resentful as hell if some bimbo was using my money to support some dude with more muscles than brains.

So listen up, all you marriage-minded ladies. Act like ladies, don't get passed around like a big ol' fattie at a Greatful Dead concert, and do right by your men. Then maybe, just maybe, marriage will come back into fashion.