Girls Cheering For Girls

According to this article, that idea is about as popular as shit on a Ritz.

--Thirty girls signed up for the cheerleading squad this winter at Whitney Point High School in upstate New York. But upon learning they would be waving their pompoms for the girls’ basketball team as well as the boys’, more than half of the aspiring cheerleaders dropped out.

The eight remaining cheerleaders now awkwardly adjust their routines for whichever team is playing here on the home court — “Hands Up You Guys” becomes “Hands Up You Girls”— to comply with a new ruling from federal education officials interpreting Title IX, the law intended to guarantee gender equality in student sports.--

Okay, let's start with the basics. Cheerleaders should be girls. Guy cheerleaders are all homos. That has nothing to do with the story at hand, but I felt the need to say it.

Next, I don't see anything wrong with girl cheerleaders cheering for girl teams. It's kinda hot, actually, in a "Britney Spears and that bitchin' sexy blonde tennis player have a lesbian encounter and let me watch" sort of way.

But this Title IX shit is way outta hand. Yeah, we get it. All the money and good facilities and support went to the dudes for a lot of years. The gub'mint said the schools can't do that anymore. So, cool. Support the girls like an 18 Hour Girdle. Give them a bus with air conditioning and a john and everything.

But really, if they honestly don't want a bunch of trollops in short skirts cheering them on at their basketball games, it really shouldn't be shoved down their throats like the boy's team's starting center's penis. A simple "Thanks, but no thanks" should suffice.

Except that's not the way Title IX works. Or I should say, not the way it's implemented. Some assclown bureaucrats decided that "equivalent" meant "exactly the same, right down to how many times the cheer-trollops holler YAY TEAM!"

This isn't the first time Title IX has thrown the ho out with the scented bath-water. All over the country, high schools and colleges have been discontinuing award-winning male teams, because they can't find enough warm living female bodies to participate in women's sports.

Yo, do-gooders, here's a fact so obvious I shouldn't have to point it out: Girls don't like sports as much as boys do. They don't like watching as much, and they don't like playing as much. So any effort to ensure that women play sports proportional to their numbers at a school is going to fail.

Still, I can't help but laugh. I'm thinking all those folks who screwed the girls' teams over for all those years wish to hell they hadn't done it. Because this chicken that came home to roost is fatty and gamey and foul-tempered. (I was going to say fowl-tempered, but that would be, like, the dumbest pun ever.)

Ah, well. Live and learn, I guess. It'll all shake out like a pom-pom in the end.

Oh. One more thing. All you cheerleaders claiming that you are athletes? Sorry. You're not. It's nice that you entertain the crowd, and get them fired up, and even that you use handsprings to do it. But you're not athletes any more than David Lee Roth was while he sang for Van Halen and acted like a bonobo on speed.

He sure was fun to watch though. And so are you. So don't be sad. Smile and wave your pom-poms at me. It turns me on.