Kids, Kids, Kids

Yeah, they're noisy and they smell, but today's entry is all about the kiddies.

We've got schools sending home notes with fat kids while serving fattening food in the cafeteria, a two year old killed on a four-wheeler, and China changing their adoption standards.

I get why the schools are concerned about the ever-expanding asses of the kiddies. It's fucking obscene. But body mass index is a piss-awful measurement of whether the little bastards are at a healthy size or not. So I see this "notification" thing causing more problems than it solves.

Think about it. A large-framed, athletic kid isn't going to have the "right" BMI. But that doesn't mean he's in bad shape. It means he has a future in Pop Warner football. I hate seeing kids like that made to feel bad about their bodies.

Two other things about the article stood out, and not in a good way. One is, if you're going to stick you nose in the business of all the chubby little sproggies by tattling about their BMI, you really should be serving them Future Heart Attack food. That just makes no sense. Don't just piss and moan about their fat asses. Put your money where their Hoover Deluxe mouths are.

The other thing that was creepy was the Fat Mafia, where the fat kids made fun of both the skinny kids and the really fat kids. That means fat has become the norm, and that is bad. The fat little fuckers really need to understand that they're not just going to grow up to be visually unappealing. They're also going to be prone to that whole host of health problems that come with being fat.

On the positive side, fat kids grill up nicer on the rotisserie, so I guess it all works out.

Then we have ATV Boy, who was squished under his four-wheeler. That is sad, and even more so because it didn't need to happen.

--A 2-year-old boy was killed in Charles County over the weekend when the child-size all-terrain vehicle he was operating overturned on him, according to the Charles County Sheriff's Office.

The sheriff's office said the boy was operating a Baja Wilderness 50 four-wheeler, which is designed for children 6 to 12 years old and equipped with a remote cutoff switch. When the boy's mother turned the ATV off by the remote, the vehicle stopped but the front wheels turned, causing it to overturn on the boy, sheriff's deputies said. He was wearing a helmet.--

His mother fucked up when she hit the kill switch on the parental remote while the kid was turning. I guess she thought that since she had the controls in her hand, the laws of physics didn't apply. By god, I'm a simple moose, but even *I* know that the laws of physics always apply unless you're, like, Jesus or something.

So she killed the kid with her stupidity, but she'll never admit that. No fucking way. Somebody is going to PAY for this, don'tchaknow. The bitch will sue, and win, because the instructions didn't explicitly say, "Not intended for use by dumb-fucks. Parental remote does not render laws of physics null and void."

And China is cracking down on adoptions. Used to be, anybody with a pulse could adopt from there. Now, there's lots of rules, some of them understandable, and some of them right-down bizarre.

Age limits? Makes sense. Don't want to give flighty youngsters or doddering geezers little asian kidlets to raise. Not an alcoholic or drug addict? Also a good idea.

In a heterosexual marriage? I guess that sounds good, since kids need two parents. But it definitely shuts the homos out, and I feel sort of bad for the long-term gay couples that would love to parent, but can't.

The new rules also say fat people can't adopt. A BMI over forty is all three strikes at once. That sounds okay. Raising the young'uns in a healthy lifestyle is important.

The list goes on. Can't be deaf or blind. Can't be a criminal. Can't be mentally ill, have HIV, or be medicated for psych problems. And so on and so on and so on.

Now we get to the kind of funky part.

--afunction or dysfunction of limbs or trunk caused by impairment, incompleteness, numbness or deformation; severe facial deformation--

So no gimps, amputees, or Elephant Man types need apply.

Whatever. They orphans of China belong to China, so they can give 'em to whoever the fuck they want. I just know they've got a LOT of kids that need homes, and I'd hate to think that a bunch of them would have to go without because there's too god damned many rules.

But what do I know? I'm just a masturbating moose who likes to talk about shit he knows damn little about.

Bring on the hot asian chicks!