Barack Obama

Okay, what's up with that guy? He's, like, thinking he's ready to be President.

I'd love to see somebody furry and brown like me be elected leader of the free world. Just not THAT furry and brown like me someone.

I mean, what the fuck has he done? Gave an "inspirational keynote speech" when they nominated that Kerry guy in 2004. Served a few years as a Senator. Doesn't sound all stupid when he talks, unlike all those Congressional Kennedys who suffer from alcohol-related dementia.

All that combined with a firm boot in the ass will get you a bruised ass.

At least his likely competition in the primary, Hillary, is vaguely familiar with what running the country entails, having watched her husband Bill do it with his pants around his ankles for eight years. Although her attention was mostly focused on turning the White House into a bed & breakfast, I figure something must have rubbed off.

(Speaking of rubbing off, is it just me, or is Hillary kind of like the anti-Viagra, a cold shower, and food poisoning, all rolled into one? I swear, thinking about her kills my boner deader than disco.)

But Barack? He's... well, embarrassing. Like he's trying too hard or something. I swear one of these days he's going to start screaming "Wassup?!?!" like those guys in that Budweiser commercial from a few years ago, just to prove he's black, and hip yet quaintly retro.

Oh, and did I mention Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein? Need I say more?