Giving Thanks

On Thanksgiving, I'm not all into giving thanks for shit like my job or my life situation, because I EARNED those. So here's a few more random wonders of the universe that I'd like to express my appreciation for instead.

I'm thankful the Japanese and Germans know how to make quality automobiles, because the Big Three sure as fuck don't.

I'm thankful my secretary has big tits.

I'm thankful that pointing out stupidity is on the rise, because stupidity itself definitely is.

I'm thankful that someone way back when figured out how to make beer. I'd also like to thank those dudes in their plaid skirts that invented single-malt Scotch.

I'm thankful for American ingenuity and our indomitable spirit, and I'd be even more thankful if everyone who lives here had that spirit, instead of us indulging a certain segment of society that prefers to rub off to mallard porn.

I'm thankful for frequent erections, and all the wondrous things I can do with my Moose Meat.

I'm thankful that more and more Americans are realizing that there are options besides the democrats and republicans, but it still twists my nutsack round round like a record baby that it took them so long to figure that out.

I'm thankful for Chocolate. And whipped cream.

I'm thankful that a large asteroid isn't on a collision course with Earth, but I wouldn't mind if a small meteor cancelled that annoying twat Hillary Clinton.

I'm thankful for everyone who appreciates my awesome moose-ness. My HEAT.

I'm thankful the military is meeting their recruitment goals, so those leftist cock-sucking assclowns can't make any political hay with their call for a draft.

I'm thankful I don't have the mange, a small penis, leukemia, or any social diseases.

I'm thankful for free speech, and always willing to take a machete to any dickbag who has the temerity to oppose it.

Oh, and did I mention I'm thankful my secretary has big tits?



Happy Thanksgiving. Long live beer and football, turkey and gravy, and secretaries and tits.