NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The moose community is in mourning. We have lost one of our own. A swedish moose got shit-faced, then drowned when he fell through the ice.

--Drunken Swedish moose drowns after fermented apple binge

Updated 11/24/2006 9:34 AM ET

STOCKHOLM (AFP) — A moose that became inebriated after binging on fermented fallen apples in northern Sweden drowned when it fell through the ice of a frozen inlet, Swedish tabloid Aftonbladet reported on Thursday.

"The moose appears to have eaten too many fermented apples and become confused out on the ice," Luleaa police spokesman Erik Kummu told local media.

Emergency services were scrambled but they were unable to save the four-legged apple thief.

For several days prior to the moose's demise, local residents had contacted police after seeing the animal munch its way through rotting fruit, Aftonbladet said.

Drunk moose are relatively common in Sweden in late autumn as the animals eat fallen apples which ferment slightly on the ground.--

My massive moose-meat has been flaccid since I heard about this. I mean, who amongst us doesn't tipple a bit much now and then? To have a day that started out with the equivalent of a hard cider binge end so tragically makes my antlers droop.

A fellow moose, who's never going to sing again, never going to eat Chocolate again, never going to poop again, never going to masturbate again... I am sad. Very sad.

I believe I will go slug down refreshing adult beverages until I feel better.

*****************

On a lighter note, Reverend Al (Not Too) Sharpton is embarassing himself again. He's providing comfort and counsel to the family of a man killed by the NYPD.

--Police fired 50 rounds Saturday at a car of unarmed men leaving a bachelor party at a strip club, killing the groom on his wedding day in a shooting that drew a furious outcry from family members and community leaders.

The spray of bullets hit the car 21 times, after the vehicle rammed into an undercover officer and then an unmarked NYPD minivan twice, police said. Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly would not say if the collisions were what prompted police to open fire.--

Al "The Race Master Baiter" says something "did not seem right" about the story. Well, give the man a cigar to shove up his ass, because something ISN'T right, but it's not the something he seems to be implying.

I'm not saying the police are blameless here, because there's lots of trigger-happy donut jockeys out there masquerading as cops. Especially in shit New York City neighborhoods like the one in question. (And people wonder why mooses prefer wide-open spaces to dirty, dangerous cities.)

Anyhow, my penis isn't twitching in any particular direction yet on this one. But the dead guy, Sean Bell, the one driving the car... What in the fuck was he doing at a titty bar at 4 a.m. on his wedding day in the first place? Hung-over grooms are so... tacky.

And what in god's name made him think it was a good idea to play bumper cars in the parking lot on his way out? Even in the worst of neighborhoods that's considered gauche. Not to mention dangerous and dumb, in light of the possibility that the owner of the car might shoot you in that neck of the woods whether he's a cop or not.

And what about the possible fourth passenger who fled the scene? Was he maybe the one who was armed, or did he just really REALLY have to take a dump or something?

There will be an investigation, and most likely, the police will decide that the shooting was justified. They almost always decide that way, especially when the incident involves crashing cars outside a titty bar that's rife with crime.

Next, Al Sharpton will blow a load of tapioca in his shorts, and whip everyone into a frenzy of racial tensions. Bad blood will simmer for a while, then everyone will forget, and go on with their lives.

Here's hoping the agitated spades don't burn the city down in the meantime.

Although that might not necessarily be a bad thing, if you view it as a fast track to "urban renewal."