Or They Could Just Leave The Little Freak Out For The Buzzards...

We've talked about the Peanut Nazis a few times in the past. I love reading about them, because they and their children are so often such bizarre people, leading such bizarre lives. For kids with mild allergies, it's like Munchausen's By Peanut. The Peanut Mommy's entire life is consumed with trying to eradicate the tasty legume from little Bratleigh's environment, when it's really not that big a deal.

Then there's kids that really DO have a problem. Check out the following, which is apparently a real list of what some elementary school aged child is allergic to.

Severe (can be anaphylactic) Allergies:

Dairy
Eggs
Peanut
Wheat

Moderate Allergies:

Soy
Barley
Yeast
Rye
ALL grains EXCEPT rice, millet, amaranth, quinoa, corn and infrequently oats
Pork
Beef
All other red meat, except Duck and Venison
Chocolate (also allergic to dairy-free chocolate)
Citric Acid and Citric Fruits (Citrus fruits include: Citron, grapefruit, kumquat, lemon, lime, orange, pomelo, tangelo, tangerine)
Garlic
Any sort of BEAN or other legume (Alfalfa, bean (kidney, lentil, lima, mung, navy, pinto, soy, string), carob, guar gum, gum acacia, kudzu, licorice, pea (black-eyed, chick-pea, green) PEANUT)
Any SEEDS (including, sesame, sunflower, pumpkin, etc.)
All Nuts
Melon
Grapes
Raisins
Mustard
Vinegar
Dates
Tomatoes and tomato sauce
Mushrooms


Do not give the following as they are highly allergenic:

Strawberries
Kiwi Fruit
Goat’s Milk
ShellFish (including prawns, scallops, etc.)

Can have the following no more than once a week:

Bananas
Fresh Fish (select a type with few bones)
Canned Tuna

Can have the following once or twice a month:

Oats

Other Allergies:

Dogs
Cats
Most other hairy animals
Dust mites (SEVERE)
Grass and weeds (SEVERE)
Strong household cleaners will induce eczema
Aerosols can induce asthma
Latex

(I find it amusing that he's not allergic to millet. Maybe he could eat lots of millet paste like the Nigerians do, and end up looking like one of those kids in the "Just seventeen dollars a month will feed little Roshumba" commercials.)

Anyway, are you shaking your head and mumbling, "Holy SHIT! What the fuck does this kid eat?!?!" Yeah, me too. And does the poor thing ever even leave his house, with all the other stuff besides food that he's allergic to?

I'm not a completely heartless bastard. I feel really sorry for this kid. He's never going to have anything even approaching a normal life.

But his moomie sounds like a real nutbag. (Tee hee. Nutbag. Get it?) She honestly expects to be able to send her sproggie to public school, where he will not be singled out in any way.

How could he NOT be? The kid should be wearing a haz-mat suit to keep him away from the gazillion things he's allergic to, ferfuck'ssake.

But no, she wants him to be able to make friends, and be able to sit with his friends, no matter what they have in their lunch. Leaving aside the fact that the freaky kid with the neurotic mother usually doesn't HAVE any friends, Mom's plan essentially requires the school to be the Lunch Police.

And that is both impractical and unfair.

Yeah, yeah, I understand that THE LAW says a child must be educated in the "least restrictive environment." But look how well THAT has worked out. The poor diabetic kid is relegated to the principal's office to eat his peanut butter, in order to accomodate one peanut freak in the cafeteria. Meanwhile, the autistic tard's parents threaten to sue because their violent, destructive progeny isn't welcome in with the normal kids.

And the children whose parents are too poor to afford anything BUT peanut butter, and too proud to enroll them in the free lunch dole? Eh, fuck 'em. They deserve to go hungry all day, right?

No, not right. Any law that says dozens or hundreds of children have to suffer so one or two Peanut Mommies can pretend their immono-defective offspring are normal is a bad law.

And the parents of a kidlet who's allergic to fucking EVERYTHING need to buy said kidlet a nice computer, and enroll him in a cyber charter school. There's some excellent ones out there, and the state pays and everything.

Isn't that better than a failed experiment in normalcy that leaves your young'un blue and dead?

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