Pole Wakes From Coma To See Soccer Fans Being Rowdy

The hot dogs were on the house.

Okay, that's not exactly what happened. These are three separate stories. But they're all kind of interesting, so here we go.

Some dude in Poland woke up from a nineteen year coma the other day.

--A 65-year-old railwayman who fell into a coma following an accident in communist Poland regained consciousness 19 years later to find democracy and a market economy, Polish media reported on Saturday.--

Wow. What a mind-fuck. Communism falls, the world goes through huge changes, and you sleep through the whole thing. Then you wake up, and have to take it all in.

I'm amazed that his wife stood by him all those years, but that's because I'm a cynical bastard. Bless your heart, Gertruda.

Next we have a truly shocking story: Soccer fans being rowdy.

--The European Championship qualifier between Sweden and Denmark was abandoned at 3-3 Saturday after a Danish fan tried to attack the referee for awarding a penalty kick in the 89th minute.

Danish soccer officials initially said referee Herbert Fandel had awarded Sweden a 3-0 victory, but European soccer's governing body said the result would have to be confirmed by an investigation.--

Shit, can't those idiots EVER hold a soccer match without anyone getiing out of line? It's a SOCCER GAME, people, not the future of the planet. Relaaaaax. Be mellow.

Incidents like this also illustrate the difference between Europeans and Americans. They riot when their team loses. American sports fans in places like Chicago, Detroit, and LA burn their cities down when their team wins a championship.

The Europeans don't get much right, but I think they've got Americans beat on that one.

And last but most importantly, the hot dog eating record long held by that little Japanese guy has been broken!

--A California man smashed the world record for hot dog eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling up more than 59 franks in 12 minutes.

Joey Chestnut, 22, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HBDs" -- hot dogs and buns -- during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe.--

Coooooooool! Now let's hope he kicks the Asian dude's skinny ass at the Nathan's Famous annual Fourth Of July contest as well. Team America, FUCK YEAH!!!

I do have to add, however, that the idea of eating that many hot dogs makes me a little sick to my moose stomach. But hey, to each his own as far as hobbies go.

I also have to add that I have a giant moose wiener that's freely available to all the pretty ladies. Just thought I'd remind everyone of that.

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