ODD - Now I've Officially Heard It All

ODD stands for Oppositional Defiance Disorder. You can read about it here.

You might want to wear a neck brace so you don't get whiplash from shaking your head so much.

Here's a partial list of symptoms from the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry website:

- frequent temper tantrums
- excessive arguing with adults
- active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
- deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
- blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
- often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
- frequent anger and resentment
- mean and hateful talking when upset
- seeking revenge

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but back in the day before everything was classified as a "syndrome" or "disorder," weren't kids like this referred to by a much simpler and more accurate term?

Oh, yes, I remember it now. They were called "spoiled brats."

Interestingly, ODD (what a great acronym!) only appears to affect children with crappy parents and children with weird parents. The normal, middle class families with two parents in the home seem to be able to get through childhood without being diagnosed with ODD, ADD, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, depression, or any other neuroses or psychoses.

I first heard of this ODD shit because part of my mission is to scour the internet for crazy stuff to make fun of. I stumbled upon a heart-wrenching tale of an only child whose parents are older, and proudly self-proclaimed non-conformists. They compare teachers and administrators at a school to the masters on a slave plantation.

This, of course, leads little Bratley to exercise a unique brand of non-conformism at school against the oppressors - defying them at every turn. That results in such interesting outcomes as the parents asking for "enrichment" work for Bratley, under the pretext that the spoiled brat behavior means their little precious darling isn't being "challenged."

I see a happy ending in this kid's future, either as a school shooter or a serial killer.

It's nice that some folks have the luxury of going "disorder shopping" to explain away their piss-poor parenting techniques. Unfortunately, by the time it's a full-blown "disorder," it is too late to fix it.

But here are some helpful hints from the Danny A. Moose Foundation For Brat Prevention anyway:

- Learn to say no, and mean it.
- Don't hesitate to give your kid a good spanking when he/she is out of control.
- Don't argue with your child. You are the parent. What you say goes.
- Save your New Age bullshit for your fellow hippies when you get together on Saturday nights to twist up a fattie. Conventional parenting is the only hope you have of raising reasonably normal children.
- Laugh loudly at any diagnosis that's just an excuse for your kid's awful behavior.

And if you do all this from the start, you might even end up with a child who does well in life.

Good luck.

Oh, and... You're welcome.

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