I Hate Idiots

The saga of Melvin and Assclown Inc. continues.

Melvin has been given a PIP (Personal Improvement Plan). Back in the day, they used to call such a thing a "written warning." But I guess that was just too harsh and un-politically correct. So now instead of warning you, they PIP you.

Melvin's manager - let's call her Tuna Twat - listed several grievances on his PIP. They boil down to the following:

"Melvin needs to be more proactive."

"Melvin doesn't work and play well with others."

"Melvin had the temerity to make a small mistake due to a lapse in memory."

"Melvin sometimes uses bad words."

"Melvin needs to communicate more with his peers and supervisors."

Of course, Tuna Twat didn't expect Melvin to read between the lines, and hear what she was REALLY saying:

"I'm a control freak, and need to be up my employees' ass all the time."

"I hate people that are smarter than me."

"Melvin needs to brown-nose more."

"When I go down in flames because I suck at my job, I'll need a few scapegoats."

"I'm so ferociously envious that Melvin is getting out of this shithole that I could spit nails."

"How dare Melvin walk, talk, or take a shit without consulting me?"

"Anyone who has the courage to point out the Emperor's lack of clothes needs to be severely punished."

All of this would be a whole lot more giggle-worthy if it weren't so fucking sad. The Peter Principle stops being funny when it starts being you.

But what the hell. Melvin really will be fine. I'm just continually aghast at what a fucked up place corporate America is. Maybe that movie Idiocracy wasn't too far off the mark.
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