Slur Me Like Ya Love Me

Fresh on the heels of the Nigger Conference (wonder how that went, anyway?), we have two more tales of people wasting valuable time and oxygen trying to make sure no one ever feels insulted.

First up, we have a squaw trying to eliminate the use of the word squaw. (Yeah, that was mean, but you'll understand why I did it in just a moment.)

--Ruby Bernal wasn't self-conscious about her American Indian heritage until her adolescence, when a band of teenage boys called her "squaw" during a drive-by heckling.

"It's like saying the 'N-word' to a black person," says Bernal, a member of the Shoshone-Bannock, one of five tribes with reservations in Idaho.

"To me, it's a slap in the face. It belittles me and it belittles all Indian women."

Bernal is among Native Americans across the West fighting to excise "squaw" from the names of region's waterways, peaks and river valleys.--

Sigh. Do you guys really have to keep going through this? Is your red skin THAT thin? There's over 800 places that have the name "squaw" on them in America, and you want them all changed because you don't like it?

Maybe if you had a job, or even an absorbing hobby, you'd be too busy to worry about stupid shit.

Honestly. All those rumors that "squaw" is a Mohawk word that means your veejayjay are bogus. The intellectually honest amongst you don't have a problem with the truth: It's derived from an Algonquin word meaning "young woman."

SO what in the fuck is wrong with a word that means something so benign? Because people tried to hurt your little fee-fees with it, and you let them? C'mon, suck it up. Seriously. You woo-woos are supposed to be tough and resilient and brave and shit. But what you look like when you whine about stupid shit is a bunch of fry-bread soaked in warm buffalo milk.

But there you sit, demanding that all the "squaw" places be renamed with words like "chimeash," which means pretty much the same thing. Yeah, because no one has anything else to do, and the supply of money to indulge idiotic whims is endless, we'll get right on that.

Okay, no we won't. I truly doubt most states, counties, and cities are going to go out of their way to waste money to make you happy. Especially when there's over 800 sites involved.

Besides, I have a better idea. Every place that has a "squaw" name should auction off the naming rights to the highest bidder. The money can be used to cover the costs of changing signs, maps, and guidebooks. And you guys can shut the fuck up, because Squaw Lake will henceforth be called something like Pudmann & Griese, Attorneys at Law Lake.

See? Think outside the box, and everybody can be happy.

Our other thin-skinned group on today's radar is the gays. Now, I've come out (so to speak) on the side of gay causes over and over. They should be allowed to marry if they wish, and to serve in the military if they want to.

But what happened to this girl was wrong. She got a permanent black mark put in her high school file for retaliating to taunting by saying, "That's so gay."

--When a few classmates razzed Rebekah Rice about her Mormon upbringing with questions such as, "Do you have 10 moms?" she shot back: "That's so gay."

Those three words landed the high school freshman in the principal's office and resulted in a lawsuit that raises this question: When do playground insults used every day all over America cross the line into hate speech that must be stamped out?

After Rice got a warning and a notation in her file, her parents sued, claiming officials at Santa Rosa's Maria Carillo High violated their daughter's First Amendment rights when they disciplined her for uttering a phrase "which enjoys widespread currency in youth culture," according to court documents.--

Personally, I don't call something gay unless it's, well, GAY. Like aubergine suede pants and a lavender silk shirt gay. But the young people use it all the time, and they don't mean it in the sense that there's something wrong with homosexuality.

Honestly, it looks to this moose like there's more going on here than meets the eye: That the girl and her parents were branded trouble-makers because they are mormon, conservative, and willing to speak out. So somebody wanted to make an example of her.

I'm hoping she wins, and the notation is removed from her file. I also hope the school is made to understand that if they're going to punish someone for saying "That's so gay," they also need to punish the people who were teasing her about about her religion, and the "openly lesbian" student who threatened her. ("Openly lesbian" usually means "bull-dyke," and those alleged women can be very... frightening.)

And, in closing, I hope everyone just lightens the fuck up. Can't we talk about something interesting instead, like my penis?

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